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I don't care what those assholes on the internet are saying--Kevin Smith's latest is a must see. School already started for you? Well, what do you think ditching is for, you f***ing pussy?!

This cutsey-poo movie is actually pretty good (allowances for the "Clueless" ganre made). In addition to endless fashion ideas, everybody's favorite college stereotypes, and positive humor, "Blonde" serves a great old encouragement message on a Neo-Feminist plate. Reese Witherspoon is perkier than ever.

Osmosis Jones

The plot is very simple and humor is traditional, but the whole gross aspect adds a real edge to this semi-animated production. Bobby Farrelly (who also directed Me, Myself and Irene) brings us a whole new NYC-like perspective on the body.

Starring: Bill Murray, Chris Rock

Well, not much to review here--this movie is simple and simply rocks! I know everyone's already seen it, but it's never too late to confirm: they've got stunts, they've got humor, they've got charm. And don't forget those great bits at the end (you know, Jackie Chan's signature thing that crappy Tool Time stole...)

The original, 1968 Planet of the Apes is legendary--it was a great epic movie. Director Tim Burton is no less legendary--but not for epic reasons. Recall his most famous works: Beetlejuice, Batman, Edward Scissorhands, most recently Sleepy Hollow. Are those films epics with a commentary on modern society? No, they're just cool because unrealistic things come to life. And it is particularly this cool aspect of Planet of the Apes that Burton explored and expanded in the remake. Apes humanized, Mark Wahlberg showcased, technology added--entertainment guaranteed. And how about Helena Bonham-Carter as a monkey, finally, huh?

It's funny but still... crappy. Unlike the original Pie, take 2 is highly forgettable. Acting takes a slight step up for Jason Biggs, but, unfortunately, writing takes a huge step down. The plot lacks a conflict while jokes lack freshness. It's worth a matinee thanks to Eugene Levy (dad) and Seann William Scott (Stifler).

Not a bad choice of music and clean cinematography are the best things O has to offer. A remake of Shakespeare is a great idea, but if you're gonna stick to the original work so completely (even the names are the same), at least bother with decent acting. Phifer, Harnett, and Stiles are cold and corny, and minimal writing helps little. Phifer unwinds at the end but too late to save the film.

Enid and Rebecca take on the world after high school--boy, can I relate to that. The duo will remind many of you of "Daria"--snappy anti-suburbia jokes, consistently good comebacks, general lack of ambition. But unlike Daria, Ghost World takes us on the side of real human feelings. Sure, those ever-so-disgruntled teens are pretty funny, but what do they really have to make them happy? It seems the world has little to offer to those still looking--it's either conformity or an ephemeral world of unresolved feelings and unrealistic desires, a ghost world.

Maybe I'm a spoiled movie watcher, or maybe all those out-of-this world reviews got my expectations into a narrow place, but this movie didn't exactly leave me clearly "astounded." To be honest, I didn't really know what to think. In the end, I would have to conclude that this picture is just too different for my Americanized (yes, I can't help it) taste. If you suffer from highly Americanized taste and usually have trouble thinking outside the entertainment box, Sexy Beast will probably leave you cold and confused (you might even shake a little).

Before this film, the only thing Jonathan Glazer directed was music videos (including some for Blur)--and it shows. Backed with a consistently awesome soundtrack, Glazer takes us into the dreams, fears, and feelings of Gal Dove (Ray Winstone), an ex-con faced with a visit from an old "colleague," Don Logan (Ben Kingsley--Gandhi (oscar), Bugsy, Sneakers, Schindler's List, Rules of Engagement). The plot is pretty simple, and most of the time is taken up by Don's unpleasant interaction with Gal and his wife and friends. Basically, Don is really merciless and bitter, so everyone hates and fears him, including, of course, the viewers of Sexy Beast. The success of the film is contained in its bizarre, freaky style and this very hate produced on the screen by Kingsley. The weird release at the end produces a strange outburst of happiness. At times the movie drags, but what's lost in entertainment value is gained in lasting impression.

A great director is one that makes memorable movies. A truly great director is one that can make memorable movies out of the most basic components. One of Asia's greatest, Zhang Yimou, stripped away all the fluffy components from a love story to create a truly moving work. This is Zhang Ziyi like you've never seen her before--no fighting, no lipstick, no steamy sex scenes--simply a brilliant performance. This is the most simple and yet the most convincing look at love I've ever seen.

Let me summarize with one word: stupid. The plot is stupid-"Hello, Dolly" meets "Cinderella." The writing is stupid - there are only about 4 jokes and 2 of them you've seen in the trailer. Finally, the casting is stupid - Julia Roberts in a role so pale, Jennifer Aniston could do it; and, pardon me, but what is John Cusak doing there?!! But, you know, I gotta give credit to some good Crystal one-liners. Oh, and Catherine Zeta-Jones's clothes were great.

A timeless classic from the West meets a stunt coordinator from the East (Xin Xin Xiong). Add an impressive cast including an authentic French queen (Catherine Deneuve, a aging queen of European cinema). This should be good at least as entertainment.

Also starring: Just Chambers, Mena Suvari (American Pie), Stephen Rea (The End of the Affair, Interview with the Vampire), Tim Roth (Four Rooms, Pulp Fiction, Reservoir Dogs), Nick Moran (Lock, Stock, and Two Smocking Barrels).

Director Chris Columbus should have enough practice with special effects and children to pull this off and not disappoint millions of book fans. After all, he brought us such famous films as Home Alone, Mrs. Doubtfire, and Bicentennial Man. I'm gonna see this just for the sake of the awesome special effects. Besides, can't resist a fairy tale banned by ultra-Christians.

Peter Jackson's Lord of the Rings, starring Elijah Wood and Liv Tyler, comes out December 2001. Needless to say, SOME of us can't wait. Of course, a director that takes up such a project can't afford to disappoint the army of devoted Tolkien followers around the world. Filmed in gorgeous New Zealand with some fantastic amount of funds, the film promises to be a visual experience of a lifetime.

On October 3rd, the longest running sitcom currently in primetime makes its DVD debut as Fox
Home Entertainment announces the global release of THE SIMPSONS SEASON ONE COLLECTOR'S EDITION DVD BOX SET featuring every episode from the premiere season.

Highlighted by outtakes from an un-aired version of the first 22-minute episode, THE SIMPSONS SEASON ONE COLLECTOR'S EDITION DVD BOX SET is jam-packed with exclusive bonus features including original scripts and audio commentaries by Matt Groening, James L. Brooks, writers, producers and animation directors. Also included are early sketches, foreign language clips, magazine covers and stills, Easter Eggs and numerous undisclosed surprises.

Even wonder why Oscar in supporting actor category is commonly considered a career killer? Well, just look at Angelina Jolie. After the well deserved Oscar for "Lisa" in Girl, Interrupted and a deliciously controversial marriage to Billy Bob Thornton, she's been spiraling down with such horrible works as corny Tomb Raider and primitive Original Sin. And the buzz is, in her next film she's a blonde reporter who knows her way around men and career! Well, Angelina, there's only so low you can go before we lose all faith...

Discovered a great album? Got a film suggestion?... a review? Want to share a concert impression? Know of a good one coming up? Send it to me at marinasimpson60@hotmail.com